I'm jealous of your bromance
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
