You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize