When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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