3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
