When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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