i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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