Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
