your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
