I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
