Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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