it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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