Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
