The maid of honor just puked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
