do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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