I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
