I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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