Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
