dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
