I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
