I think I am morally bankrupt
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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