Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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