is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
