we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
