at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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