i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize