All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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