This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
