Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
