By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
