Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize