I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
