Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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