official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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