Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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