I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
