I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We have started to decorate penises.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
