My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
