**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
