I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
