The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's always time for handjobs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
