Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
