i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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