The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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