Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
