do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
