we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
