so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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