but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
