So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
