dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
