Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
