Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
