yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yo dont text me then not text me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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