My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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