I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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