Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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