i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
