gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
