yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Farmville is her only friend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
