Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize