Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
