I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
