Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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