dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
