i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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