I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
