Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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