My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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