Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize