Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
