Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize