I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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