Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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