I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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