Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
