I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize