god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
