Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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