Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
