he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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