My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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