i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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