I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
