you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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