Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
