I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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