with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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