I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
