I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize