this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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