I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
