Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
