So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
