God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize