Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
