I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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