fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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