Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
