Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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