I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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